I am trapped in my body and in denial most of my my life. But I bow down to that voice inside of me ordering me to self destruct, to kill myself with food. I thought I was exerting my will over my life by not surrendering to a group or rules or a higher power. And I got cocky and I thought I could drink and eat again and some terrible stress and deaths and other life issues popped up and I turned to the negative relationship with food. I didnвЂ™t think about what made me eat in the first place even though I was well versed in the why and the how of my disease. I thought I could will myself, finally, into breaking the food problem.

In 2012 I lost weight and started exercising and feeling better. I had some success in 2011 but it was just the food, not recovery. ItвЂ™s been very bad, a few meetings, lip service, unresolved resentments, a deep fear of the depression returning and comfort eating. Then I hung on вЂ“ barely вЂ“ by a thread from 1996 to 2000/2001. I had some of the best, healthiest years of recovery from 1993-1996, when I was still a teenager. ItвЂ™s my go to response to recovery since I left it. I have failed to retain long term recovery partly because I avoided the meetings and didnвЂ™t claim my seat or make phone calls. The downside is they donвЂ™t have any meetings in my area вЂ“ none вЂ“ so I canвЂ™t have any face to face time to find a sponsor or keep a check on myself. The website is strong and the phone meetings are fantastic, well run and available every day.

No white flour, no alcohol, sugar as the 5th ingredient or higher.

CEA HOWВ The upside to this food plan is it fits my health requirements and is a weigh and measure, disciplined diet with maintenance small portion whole grains.

Food addicts anonymous diet